DECEMBER 18, 2004.
SAN FRANCISCO DRINKING BOUT:
A. MISTER - A ROBINSON

ROUND ONE

Location: Café Do Brasil

Comments: This is a seedy little Brazilian restaurant located adjacent to the Hotel Renoir on the edge of the Tenderloin District. It’s also connected to the Hotel Bar which is strangely separate from the restaurant, though the restaurant also has a bar. But not really. There was no bar at the bar, just a guy behind a high counter with a bunch of liquor bottles.

Robinson: One Caipirinha, one pint of Budweiser.

Mister: One pint of Budweiser in a different-looking glass. (My glass was cooler.)

Tally: Robinson 2, Mister 1

*

ROUND TWO

Location: The Hemlock.

Comments: Cool bar in Tenderloin. This was Mister’s call. A nice place, clean bathrooms, dim hipster lighting. Good selection of beers.

Robinson: One Anchor Steam, one Stella.

Mister: One Anchor Steam, one Stella, one Mirror Pond (Consumed in a rapid fashion. Heroic drinking here. Good Job, Mr.)

Tally: Robinson 4, Mister 4

*

ROUND THREE

Location: Aunt Charlie’s.

Comments: Gay bar in Tenderloin. Drag show happening. A very small, skinny place. Hard to maneuver, loud.

Robinson: One Heineken.

Mister: One Heineken.

Tally: Robinson 5, Mister 5

*

ROUND FOUR

Location: Unknown bar in Tenderloin.

Comments: All patrons seem to be stout Mexican men who don’t say much. Our table was broken. People outside of the bar sniffed white powder on the street. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t cold medicine. Mr. Mr. Got the hiccups at this bar. He cured them by “drinking” a shot of standard granulated table sugar. I could have sworn that we had more than one beer each at this bar. I may have stopped tallying for a moment, as Mr. and I became engaged in a conversation about starting a restaurant-bar, among other things. We also sang, loudly, David Bowie’s “Life On Mars.”


Robinson: One Anchor Steam.

Mister: One Anchor Steam.


Tally: Robinson 6, Mister 6

*

ROUND FIVE

Location: Another unnamed Tenderloin bar.

Comments: It had a half-door and no sign. Mister bought this round—a bottle of Bud and a Jack Daniel’s for each of us. Mister didn’t finish his Bud. While I was there, he didn’t touch his Jack. He spent most of the time chatting up a dark-haired woman at the end of the bar. At one point, I guess I was puttin’ salt on his game, because he turned to me, mouthed some words I didn’t understand, and made several hand gestures that indicated I should stop doing whatever it was I was doing. I guess I said something wrong. Anyway, I used the bathroom there, and was surprised at its relative cleanliness. I ordered another Jack and drank it rapidly. Kathy and I departed for sustenance at an all-night Thai noodle joint.

Robinson: One bottle of Bud, two Jack Daniel's

Mister: Nursed a bottle of Bud. Didn't finish.

Final Tally: Robinson 9, Mister 6

*

NOTES

 Kathy Horvath drank with us, though she didn’t officially compete in the drinking contest. For those interested, she drank the following:

2 Caipirinhas
2 Rum and Cokes
2 Cape Cods
1 White Russian.

Yes. Kathy also outdrank Mr.Mr.

 In all fairness, it should be pointed out that Kathy and I both outweigh Mr. Mr. by at least another small person. My weight advantage is estimated at about 70-80 lbs. Mr. Mr. is a pinner.

 Before the actual competition, in an effort to level the playing field, I consumed two cans of high-potency premium malt liquor (that’s 48 ounces), and a Jim Beam shot.

 There was a tentative rematch scheduled for the following night on Mr. Mr.’s home turf in the Mission. I was too tired (from strenuous SF hill-walking) to go.